This year and the next

On this last day of 2015, I sit on my bed and contemplate the year flown by and the year showing on the horizon. I began January 2015 with tears in my eyes and a shaking voice in my throat. I was standing on the threshold of forgiveness and stepped through. Winter gave way to spring, which saw the ripening of my Japanese pumpkins and a flourish of mint, sage, basil and thyme and I ended a friendship that had become parasitic in nature. Summer came snapping on the heels of spring and a left the clutches of a poisonous work place environment, battled a fungal infection in my pumpkin crop and mourned the sudden death of my Clan sister, Angela.

Autumn saw me drop into depression and rise, like a struggling salmon, out of it's sucking murk. I redoubled my efforts to write (on my novel and on this blog), and began working as an independent contractor. All the yard work and house cleaning put money in my hand that was sorely needed after leaving the Maids, though I had the Clan's support in leaving that horrible place. I discovered more farm blogs and began reaching out to other farm writers; I pruned the unworthy and cast them back into the realms of fiction. Winter has just begun and with the year soon at it's end, my mind turns to 2016.

If my plans work out, I should be cleaning houses regularly in addition to working for the YMCA providing after school child watch. If April's Beltaine festival has a big turn out, my vending there might encourage me to go to other Gatherings and provide confections. I am also going to take my clay and fashion horns for Beltaine. With luck, I will be able to sell the four or five sets I will make. I might also take some jewelry down there in hopes someone will buy it. I know I say it often, Lady bless me.

But truth is, every little bit helps.

Tomorrow, I am holding out New Year's Day feast. Seeing as both halves of the Clan took to different parts of Georgia to spend Christmas with the families of their birth, me with my parents and Colin with his own folks, we are celebrating a late Yule as a Clan tomorrow. Here is what is on my menu for tomorrow...

*Oven Roasted Turkey
*Mashed Potatoes
*Gravy
*Cornbread Dressing
*Hearth Bread
*Honey Butter
*Sauteed Peas
*Buttered Corn
*Cranberry Sauce
*Brown Sugar Cranberry Cookies
*Sweet Tea
My mouth waters just to think about it and I had a good breakfast this morning.

Beyond Fear

If farming organic produce has taught me anything, it is that a farmer must force themselves to look beyond fear. Fear of pests, fear of weather, fear of failure-personal or crop related, and fear of the ever changing unknown. Fear is present in our lives, it has been a driving force to our species since we were living in caves and wearing fur wraps.

Acknowledgement is not the same as dominance.  I have learned that you cannot allow fear to dominate your actions if you intention is to derive a living from the earth. Nature is both gentle and harsh, both fruitful and full of decay. She strikes a balance and we must learned to lean into the wind of that balance, to face it in hard time as well as bountiful ones and above all, and know no fear. It is easier said than done but one thing I have always demanded of myself was to strive toward a greater self. So when the fear rises to gnaw at my heart, I push it back down with teeth bared. The strong make sacrifices, the weak make excuses.

I make my plans for the following year in the last few days of the previous one. 2016 will be my year of enterprise, where I set up to spring forth, capturing new opportunities for myself and my Clan. I am negotiating a large house cleaning, hoping to set up monthly service for a previous client, applying for a part time job with the local YMCA and hoping to go to a festival in April 2016 as a food vendor offering confections from Indigo Pastry. More money coming into the Clan means we get closer to being able to affording our homestead.

Every little bit helps. So hears to letting go of fear and embracing tomorrow, bright with possibilities.

The song that strikes the heart cord

If I could kill a word and watch it die

I'd poison never, shoot goodbye
Beat regret when I felt I had the nerve
Yeah, I'd pound fear to a pile of sand
Choke lonely out with my bare hands
I'd hang hate so that it can't be heard
If I could only kill a word

I'd take brokenness out back
And break heartbreak, stand there and laugh
Right in its face while shootin' it the bird
I'd put upset down in its place
I'd squeeze the life out of disgrace
Lay over under six cold feet of dirt
If I could only kill a word

Give me sticks, give stones
Bend my body, break my bones
Use staff and rod to turn me black and blue
'Cause you can't unhear, you can't unsay
But if were up to me to change
I'd turn lies and hate to love and truth
If I could only kill a word

I'd knock out temptation's teeth
I'd sever evil, let it bleed
Then light up wicked, stand and watch it burn
I'd take vice and I'd take vile
And tie 'em up there with hostile
Hang 'em high and leave 'em for the birds
If I could only kill a word

Christmas tree, O Christmas tree

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree!
Thy leaves are so unchanging
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Thy leaves are so unchanging

Not only green when summer's here,
But also when it's cold and drear.
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree,
Thy leaves are so unchanging!

Christmas Eve Day dawns being heralded by lightning and tornado warnings this morning. Here in Dallas, Georgia and seated at the dinning table I ate upon since the tender age of seven, I can see my Momma's Christmas tree in the reflection of the sliding glass doors that leads to the sun room. Momma is at work in the kitchen, whipping up pancakes and bacon as we listen to George Straight's "Christmas Cookies'. 

This is the first time in four years I have been able to come home for Christmas, though this is the third house my parent's have come to call home in Georgia. Situations arose that caused my childhood home to be sold as my father took a job in Tucker. The split level colonial at 3450 Aaron Trail was sold. They moved to Winder, were we were all just starting to fall in love with the house on Berkshire Lane when my father got a job offer back in Powder Springs. Again, my parents were forced to pack up and move. Now my parents live in Dallas, Georgia but as I sit here I feel a familiar warmth start to gather and coalesce in the far corners. It is the love of a family that make a house a home; this place is already brimming with it. Soon enough, it will be just like the old colonial on Aaron Trail but better, being bedecked in the coloring of my parent's five grandchildren and ringing with the peels of their laughter. 

As you gather with your families to share the light of Christmas Eve, remember in your thoughts and prayers those who have no one to be with this holiday season. Spare a smile, share a laugh and spread the warmth of joy to others.

"For to love another person is to touch the face of God." Les Mis
 

Georgia Born; Georgia Bound

" Well, I was raised underneath the shade of a Georgia pine and that's home, ya know.
Sweet tea, pecan pie and homemade wine
Where the peaches grow. 

And my home is not much to talk about
but it's filled with love that's grown in southern ground."
-Zac Brown Band "Chicken Fried"

Tomorrow morning a round up a portion of the Clan to head down to Georgia. I'm headed back to Powder Springs, the place where I grew up. From seven to nineteen years old, I galloped about West Cobb county with the neighborhood kids, just a feral pack of adolescents pretending our mountain bikes were barrel ponies and splashing in what we called "Cougar Creek" to escape the summer heat. Though I fell in love with Tennessee at the age of seventeen with my first trip to Harrison Bay State Park, Georgia has always been and will always be, on my mind.

As well as in my heart.

I am spending three entire days with my parents in their new home and I am very excited. In fact, I am elated. I have missed my mother and father so much. My mother has been my friend, advocate and defender since I was a babe in her arms. My father and I have developed a rich closeness in my adult life that, even as I sit here and write, chokes me with tears. Their esteem and love has made me one of the happiest woman in the world. If you are reading this, Momma. If you are reading this, Daddy. I love you more with each breath. I will also have the pleasure of seeing my little sister, the twins Kimberly and Megan.

And then, of course, there is a small cadre of adorable nephews and one beautiful niece I cannot wait to show with presents, sweets and kisses. Tomorrow, I intend to head out early. Before 6am if I am lucky. That will put me getting into Powder Springs around 8:30-9:00am EST if I I beat the traffic getting out of Knoxville and Chattanooga.

All I would ask for from my readers are your prayers for safe traveling mercies while I take a portion of my Clan southward, that we arrive hale and heartily.  A merry Winter Solstice to all and a Happy Yuletide at that. May it be full of warm and delight, with the love of family and friends all around.

Thankful Work

Last night I was pleased as punch. I had managed on a tight budget to buy gifts for a little more than half of the people on my Christmas list. This is so wonderful. I am blessed to have loved ones in my life to gift things to, blessed to have a little money when it is needful and to mostly due without it other times of the year.

As I talk about feeling blessed, I must also speak on being thankful. One of the ladies of the Barony of Thor's Mountain contacted me today to schedule a housecleaning. Since leaving the Maids of Knoxville, I have done house cleaning, organization and yard maintenance for members of our Barony to bring in extra funds when the need has been there. I did this over the late summer for another lady and I am pleased to be doing it again on Thursday morning.

Opportunity knocks but you have to listen. More over, you have to put your ear to the ground and still your breathing because as silent as a doe, opportunity can slide right by you without a breath. I am very thankful to know there are people talking about my good work and I am getting thankful work because of it.

Thanks be. I am well blessed in this life.

Salt and Flesh

Woke up this morning and came downstairs to start on chores rather quickly because the majority of the Clan will be going to Al'se'war this weekend. So I put up the clean dishes, served out some of the ham I baked last night for a quick breakfast and load up the dishwasher for another go. I know I comment about doing the dishes often but it is one of the first chores of my everyday routine. With six people in the Clanhold, dishes are constantly being cleaned.

After the dishwasher is running, I clean a space on the counter and pull of my "greened" hides. Greening refers to coating the flesh sides of your furs or hides with pickling salt for storage. I check for any off off smells and find nothing amiss. I add a little more salt around the edges of the flesh side and fold them back flesh to flesh.

Next week I will be washing off the salt and using a skinning knife, fleshing the hide. Then it is into the bucket with a generous pouring of 20 Mule Team Borax.

I have decided against pictures because while I have no problems with blood, flesh and skin some of my readers may. It is out of respect for them I will include no pictures of any home processed live stock, skinning or greening of hides on this blog. Once the furs come out of the soaking stage, I will be happy to post pictures of the ongoing project.

Have a great weekend, everyone. Have fun, keep safe and enjoy yourselves!

48 Minutes and Effort

This morning I took advantage of the fair weather and went out on the front half acre to collect wood. I brought my wheelbarrow, a hand saw, two strong hands, two steady head and my commitment to effort.

In forty eight minutes, I had collected all the fallen wood from our front half, the oak limbs ran a spectrum of size. Some were ideal for kindling, being about the thickness of my middle finger. The thinner branches I pulled apart my hand and despite the cool breeze, I was warm in just a short while. The larger limbs were about my forearm's circumference in thickness and I used the hand saw to cut them down into more manageable pieces. An entire wheelbarrow's worth of wood in under an hour, with minimal tools. That is a good bit of work done. I have some larger pieces I will be taking the axe to tomorrow morning to cut down to size.

I am pleased because the reality is I only have three large oak tress in the front half I can harvest from. All this wood harvested here at the clan hold goes to feed the smoker. Colin is frying up rabbit tomorrow night but later in the week I hope to smoke some beef brisket. This is one of the ways I cut costs here in the Clan, harvesting all our wood for the smoker from my own two acres. With luck and diligence, my Clan will never have to spent money for wood. That's a one good deal, in my thinking.

Silent Sunday: 12/2002

Age: 18

Friday Morning

 This morning I woke up to a world of frost; it was 7:30am and the back 1.5 acres was glittering white. Rose and I ventured to the back landing, shivering as we let Pai out to relieve herself and watched the sky grow ever more pink. If you look hard, you can see the University of Tennessee's Farm Division. We share a street with some 200 head of black Angus cattle. Each year in the spring the fields are verdant green with spots of fuzzy black were the calves rest in the gathering warmth. Rose and I can hear the cattle lowing in the distance but head back inside once the dog has concluded her business. I get busy making oatmeal and heating water for tea. I get into the dishwasher and put up all the cleaned dishes from the night before. This is a daily chore for me. When you have six people and two pets in the house, cleaning is a constant among your everyday tasks. It gives me some time to think in the quiet chill of the morning. I turn up the radiator in the living room, settle little Rose with oatmeal sprinkled with cinnamon and nutmeg. I put on "Room on the Broom" for her and she is happy as a clam. A few hours go by and the clean dishes are now up and the dirty ones are on cycle. Rose and I have both had breakfast; Rose plays at her table with her costume jewelry and stuffed great white shark while I allow myself one episode of Grey's Anatomy. With the episodes being 45 minutes on average, I rarely have more free time than to watch one or two episodes before attending to the other chores of the Clanhold.

The frost melts in a few hours and by the time 10:00am rolls around, it is melted off the back acres and a half. Despite the clean sky and sun, the wind is up and cuts straight through my light top. I head back in to get some proper clothing on before I go into town to return a couple of movies back to the Blount County Library and pick up bananas for Rose.  While the entire Clan can feast on its home grown pumpkins, squash and tomatoes during the spring and summer, bananas are beyond my ability to grow. Organic bananas are $0.69//lbs at Kroger in Maryville.

I am pleased to pick them up slightly under ripe. Rhiannon likes them best this way and it allows me to keep an eye on them better if there are any left for making banana bread later. It is just Rhi, Rose and myself here at the Clanhold this weekend as other Clan's members are traveling this weekend. Seamus is going down to Alabama for Magna Faire and I cross my fingers in hopes he will come away with an award for his essay in competition. Unfortunately, I did not get my registration forms sent in before the deadline and thus will not be competing in Magna Faire. It was my own fault and next year I will make sure to mark the registration deadline on my calendar. For my readers who don't know, Magna Faire is an Arts and Sciences fair competition within the Society of Creative Anachronism. Most of the Clan is part of the Barony of Thor's Mountain here in Knoxville, with Colin and Seamus fighting heavy. Both Kieran and I hope to authorize in Heavy fighting; I also plan on pursuing Arts and Sciences for period brewing and baking. For more information, visit Society of Creative Anachronism (SCA) and Barony of Thor's Mountain.

To the right in a picture of our Clanhold around 10:30am in the morning. All ours trees are in the front, a lovely dogwood tree and three large oaks. Fallen branches from these oaks are stacked by the front door to dry, then carted around back for use in the smoker. We never buy wood unless absolutely needful and that is a rare circumstance. Nature provides the wood and the Clan provides the work to see that the smoker does not run out of fuel. The smaller branches we break with our own hands or over our knees; the larger branches we take a hand saw too and use an axe to split them into pieces the smoker can handle. In addition to gathering wood today, I also drained the rabbit hides and added a little more salt. Tomorrow, I will tack them to a wooden board and begin fleshing them for the soaking stage. Colin has asked me to look up the prices for tannin powder for when I actually start the tanning phase. I am a little concerned that the tannin powder, which is oak, will stain the white rabbit fur but I will use white vinegar to try and prevent this. Even if it does make it a little brown, I am okay with that as long as it is properly tanned and I do not lose any of the fur. That  will be Saturdays chores, along with dishes, baking bread and gathering more wood.

May you all have a wonderful weekend and thank you for reading the Heart of Home: Finding my Homestead.

Thursday Thoughts

The rain blew out and was replaced by deep blue skies today, lanced with white clouds and a bright sun. The wind blew cold from the mountains but the air smelled faintly of wood smoke and the rosemary warming in the morning light. I walked out my door this morning to check the mail and was floored by what a beautiful world we live in. Even when the rain falls for five days straight and the creeks flood over their banks, I can find so many reasons to want to protect this world we live in. Giving back to the land so that it is rich and fertile for future generations, treating animals with love and skill and reusing materials so we can limit waste. Those are just a few things we can do to ensure that our great grand children's children can look up and see a bright blue sky, to see the sun glowing gold in the east, to know the sound of chicken clucking, honeybees buzzing while they tend their comb and lambs baaing to their dams.

If tomorrow is cold and dry, I will go out and gather wood. The high winds have brought down a lot of fallen limbs in the front yard. Good fodder for the smoker. I also think I will walk the neighborhood, looking for any trash on the side of the road. I will take a bag and a pair of gloves with me. It is a small thing to pick up litter but every little bit helps.

Harvest and celebration

Last night, Colin and I went out to Turning Point Farm and purchased two, white Californian buck rabbits. These gentle boys were easy to handle and home slaughter went as expected: quickly and with care.  With sharp knives Rhi and I, with Colin on standby for consultation, steady skinned our bucks. I laid the skins fur skin down and liberally salted them with pickling salt, rolled them flesh to flesh to keep the salt off the fur and set them in a container in the fridge. These two "green hides" will keep for 3-5 months with proper salting and a cool climate. It is likely tomorrow I will pin them to a wooden board and start the fleshing process, then set them to soak in borax. Tanning has been a favorite hobby of mine since 2011, the year when I had bought a meat goat for home slaughter. It was the first time ever I had killed an animal and it was one of the most moving actions I had ever experienced. To thank a creature for his or her sacrifice, to hold them gentle as you take time to skillfully deliver their death so they can feed your family is as powerful a thing to feel as losing one's virginity. It alerts you and the way you view the world you know. You have the knowledge of the act within you and it brands you.

This was my first time with rabbit but I have home slaughtered one goat and one sheep before. As with my tanning, it is vital that I keep my knives sharp, oiled and my skills smart. The final thrust should always been given with skill, speed, grace and mercy.

With the hides salted, we turned to removing the organs. These are rinsed and saved for our dog and cat, both who get a steady diet of fresh meat in addition to a lamb/salmon first ingredient pet food. It is important to all the Clan that our animals eat well. The humans always have and so we extend the same consideration to our pets.

With rabbits cleaned, salted and tucked away to age a while in the fridge, I took to my bed. I was exhausted by the sheer emotion of the night. That said, it was a good night and well done at that. The white rabbit furs will go to my three year old daughter when they are ready, to be stitched together by me to make a wrap she can wear against the cold wind. Air turned chilly again for the first time in five days and I finally saw the sun, though it's warmth did little to penetrate the mostly gray sky.

This afternoon, I went with my daughter and nieces to Soma in Knoxville. Colin was kind enough to purchase a new bra for me and I am very grateful for the support, in my heart and on my back. It is not often that I purchase something for full price that has never been worn before; most of my clothing comes from Karm thrift store here in Maryville. It is nice to have such a beautiful garment; satin gray with a bow and rhinestone charm in the center. I was able to find out my current size, which is a relief. I had not been sized for a proper bra since I was pregnant with Briar Rose. Now I can donate all the gently used bras that did not fit my well to Karm. I am very pleased with the gift.

I have joined the Clan for supper over the course of this post. Rhiannon's 19th birthday was today and we held a small feast for her. I made a lovely cheesecake with fresh lemon curd for topping. Everything came out perfectly. With a full belly and a contented heart, my body longs for sleep.

May all of you be having a beautiful night.

Thank you for reading. Good night.

Giving Thanks

Summer Greens of 2015

Upon waking up this morning, I noticed that the views for Heart of Home had increased dramatically, seemingly overnight. After finding the source of the influx of readers, I just want to take the time to show a little gratitude. Thank you for accepting and understanding my censure. I am humbled by the comments I read.

There is always a risk in speaking one's truthful feelings in this world today. I am glad to be among those who know where I am and where I am coming from.

Again, thank you. I hope you continue to enjoy the Heart of Home.

With Care and Respect,
A.N King